We Can All Win: A Compassionate Way to Ease Amidst Striving


Our world is fraught with businesses that advertise that you need certain goods to be happy. Other businesses have slogans pushing people to succeed despite the criticism or stress imposed by others. As a result, we believe that when we win it is in spite of others, and when we lose it is because of them.

This makes for financially successful business. You buy the products and you support the companies that put out these slogans. This brings money to the companies with advertisements and slogans. The success of this plan leads to more advertisements and more slogans.

So the companies win (at least financially), but you often lose. You will never be able to possess all the goods advertised, so inevitably you will feel incomplete or left out. Moreover, you will struggle from time to time, which will make you feel like your fellow human being is besting you. As a result, you will feel both loss and conflict.

Ongoing feelings of loss and conflict begin to plague your day and blur your vision. The people who possess the things you want are jerks, intentionally trying to keep you out of feeling whole.  Even when you attain the material thing you want and you are still suffering, you imagine that it is because there are other things that you do not have.

Feeling at conflict with your fellow human leads to conflict that just grows everywhere, (e.g., the people in traffic are intentionally trying to keep you from work; your friends are succeeding because of some qualities or amenities you have been denied, etc.).

The end result is a lot of stress in the body and the mind. You find yourself unable to go to your support system to recover. Most of all, you are plagued with the inability to pursue your life with happiness and fulfillment.

The good news is that we are all able to get back to well being and overcome the matrix. Accept that all people can win. Before I unpack this, I am not saying that you will win every competition or that we should walk around congratulating ourselves for doing nothing. What I am saying is that if you are mindful of your support system and pursue your own self-evolution and goals, you will eventually realize them.

These goals may change based on what you are best suited for, and should be based on your core values (what you believe to be most important in the world). For example, you may not have the intangibles necessary to be a professional athlete, but if your core value is increasing health you may be well suited to be a personal trainer. There you can find success and meaning, which are the true wins (success without too great a cost to sense of self or well being).

From a self-compassion standpoint, you want to be able to address the suffering incurred by advertisements and slogans, so you can live a happy fulfilling life.  The less you are distracted or made unwell by conflict with others or missing material items, the more you can focus on developing yourself, pursuing your goals, and spending time with friends and family. These are the things that will revitalize you and ground your experience.

At this point, you might be asking yourself, why the title, “We can all win.” Very simply, I am a lifetime striver and often feel driven. When I am in traffic or struggling with some form of paperwork or bill, I find myself in conflict with my fellow man.

Then, I literally say out loud, “We can all win.” Because I actually believe it, I immediately feel better. With this influx of well being, I am reminded of what is truly important: pursuing a better me and a better world, while prioritizing our collective health.

It makes a lot more sense to think collectively. None of us actually succeed on our own. We all have families, friends, coworkers, and even strangers, who help us meet an array of needs. Supporting others actually reduces internal conflict and primes others to want to help you. Even from a selfish standpoint, this kind of action will lead to better health and more support.

If you find yourself trying to remember the last time somebody helped you, just do what I do and think of toilet paper. I know I did not invent it, make it, distribute it, or sell it, but I am sure grateful that somebody did. I love you toilet paper and toilet paper people! My life is better because of you!

Wishing you lots of wins, well being, meaning, and kindness.

365 Days Of Kindness. Self Compassion. Day 15. In the Books.