Do I Deserve Self-Compassion?

Do I Deserve Self-Compassion?

“Do I deserve self-compassion?” is a question asked more than I would like to admit.  It is understandable, but a little heartbreaking.  The real question is, “When do you not deserve self-compassion?”  This might be a hard statement to swallow, but suffering is suffering.  It does not matter how you come by it or what anyone else thinks.  The body is not crazy.  When it hurts, it is truly in pain, and if it is in pain because of worry, stress, or bodily ache, then it is deserving of compassion.

People often ask whether or not they are deserving of compassion because the righteous among us have established a list of those deserving of compassion, and those not deserving.  Interestingly, their definition of compassion seems to more accurately describe enabling or indulging.  Compassion is what we activate to acknowledge and bring kindness to pain in a way that allows us to be more present to the responsibilities we have to ourselves and others.  Thus, even those people that you suspect are bad will need some compassion to have the necessary resources to right their wrongs.

We All Want You To Have Self-Compassion

Compassion for ourselves and others is important because it makes life manageable.  If we are too hard on our others, we are likely to harbor the same capacity to criticize ourselves.  Because it is only a matter of time until we make the mistakes for which we judge others, being righteous now almost certainly means being convicted later.  I do not know about you, but I do not want to be convicted of anything, but loving too much.  In which case, I would turn myself over to the proper love authorities, a.k.a. my family, friends, and colleagues.  If the punishment is a hug, I am going to plead guilty all the time.

While I joke to lighten the load of struggling to believe that you merit kindness, consider this thought.  The worse news that we get each week is when harm befalls other.  As a people, we find this heartbreaking.  News correspondents literally cannot show too much emotion, when they describe the suffering that abounds because it would undo them, and their audience.  So, it begs to reason that we all want you to feel you are apart of the human race.  We suffer.  You suffer.  We also want you to be kind to yourself.  It makes us think that in a world filled with atrocities that there are equally powerful forces uplifting people.

Selfishly, we want you to have self-compassion because it will decrease all of your health risks, and open you up to communication and success that will find its way to those that stretch far beyond yourself.

Your compassion will touch the people at work, who will go home and be a little kinder to their families.  Your compassion will warm the elderly lady waiting for the bus that feels a little vigilant in a world that she feels overpowers her at times.  Your compassion will allow your friends to get a little space from their problems, so that they can focus on the real things the two of you share.  And, your spouses, best friends, and parents will get the love and attention they deserve, and need to be good to themselves and you.

Do You Deserve Self-Compassion?

So, do you deserve self-compassion.  Yes.  You always deserve self-compassion no matter the scenario.  Even if you are in the wrong, and have actively harmed someone you care about, you will need the self-compassion to have enough resources to apologize and to mend that relationship.  Not to mention the fact that to err by its very nature is human, so if you wish other humans compassion, you must offer compassion to yourself too. 

Believe it or not, other people actually benefit greatly form seeing you give yourself compassion after you have made a mistake.  They will make a mistake in the future, and be vulnerable to ineffective and harmful self-criticism without the opportunity to access what you have so kindly demonstrated.  Never hesitate to give yourself self-compassion.  It is always the right time.

365 Days of Self-Compassion.  Day 140.  In The Books.