Self-Love Is The Only Way To True Love

The Origins Of True Love

It is no secret that self-compassion allows us to forgive and be kind to ourselves, but did you know that it can also give us true love?

For thousands of years, information has been passed down in stories.  We hold our breath as the characters pursue love, risk their well-being, and commit to a journey greater than anything they have come to know in their lives.  In the telling of these stories, we are most fascinated by two words: true love.

True love, you know what this is.  When someone feels completely understood, validated, secure, inspired, and desired.  The kind of love that promises to stay forever, and is staunch in its unwillingness to be shared.  These two words are so powerful that we use them to place the ultimate value on everything that we hold dear: our food, our jobs, our passions.

The Only Way To True Love

Let’s be real. You need understanding, validation, security, inspiration, and desire for true love, and the only way the world is going to know that you are worthy of it is if you give it to yourself first.  No, I am not talking about narcissism.  Narcissism is merely a stack of hollow compliments that make people obnoxious.  The world does not send them true love.  True love can only be found in those people, who love themselves so profoundly that the world waits in line for their turn to hug.

You do not have to be Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, or Gandhi to get one of these hugs.  You just have to commit to understanding your experience, realize that you come by it honestly, and then give yourself the kindness, compassion, and love that you have spent your life waiting for.  If you can cheer on some person in a story that you have never met, loved, or held, surely you can summon this wish for yourself. 

The Secret To True Love

Allow me to let you in on a secret.  You are the person for whom you secretly root.  So, start to think about your own story, and the characters in it.  Step back, and see if you would not be rooting for you had you heard your story in a movie theater or a book.  I would wager that you would.

Part of ensuring that you have healthy and happy relationships is having enough understanding of the world and others to live with well-being and ease.  So, note the following three rules about other people, where true love is concerned.  First, no one understands you as well as you do.  Second, other people will make mistakes about the way that they understand you because they are clouded by their own experience.  Third, you need to give yourself true love first, so that you can guide their responses in a way that respects this innate need.

Think I am joking?  Recall your last five conversations with someone that did not get you.  Identify the mistake they made.  Imagine how you would correct it, and notice how your body responds to this correction.  If you are like most people, then simply imagining a fantasy in which these people correct their mistakes will leave you with greater ease, and a sense of being loved.  This alone should be a clear sign of who best understands and can locate true love.

Quick Exercise To Get Your Daily Dose Of True Love

Like most things, true love is gained over time.  So, do this for yourself.  Upon awakening or prior to bed, promise yourself that no matter the cost, you will do your best to understand your mistakes, to credit your successes, and to love yourself without hesitation or conflict.  Finally, acknowledge that you tend to appreciate things that come with a degree of difficulty, and welcome the challenge of loving yourself completely every day.

Over time, you will find that you have consistent, honest, protective, and rewarding true love.  You will also find yourself unwilling to settle for less in your relationships, and people will come to respect that about you.

365 Days Of Self-Compassion.  Day 179.  In The Books.