In self-compassion, we tend to use language that is soothing, clear, and supportive. The goal is to orient the self towards better care, kindness, and a meaningful focus. Once in a while, you need stronger words to compel you, especially when your life decisions are consistently leading to bitterness, self-criticism, disappointment, and self-sabotage.
Tell me if this sounds like you. I want to enjoy my job, and I want to be in a meaningful relationship, but I get bored at work or with my relationships, and then something happens. I become impatient, and things don’t really work out. Conflict and disappointment seem to follow me wherever I go.
So, let’s be honest. It could be the relationships or the job, but it’s probably you. You have no idea what you want, but you do not want to be alone or unemployed, so you pick a job, and a partner, and raise your expectations.
This isn’t a plan. It’s a set up. You can’t get what you need, if you don’t know what you want. Most of us make the mistake of relying too heavily on our mind, and not enough on our heart. If we are to be happy, we must explore the heart to best understand what we need from ourselves and others. Likewise, we also need to know what we are able to give. Without this data, we just try to cheat off the life plan of the person next to us, which is great because it gets results, but frustrating because they are not the results that we need.
A Quick Exercise To Get Your Heart Involved
Ok, enough talk, now to the action. Speak directly to your heart. Um, heart, I need to be happy. Do you think we could have a one-on-one to sort out what I really want out of life? Of course, the heart will not be able to respond. It lacks vocal chords, and well, a mouth. But, you will have the space and reference to ask yourself the important questions.
For instance, if money and external validation were not important, what three things would you want in a job, and what three things would you want from a relational partner? Here is the tough part. You must ask yourself what you are willing to give to a potential job, partner, and most importantly, what you are willing to give to yourself. This will be your reference point to healthy jobs and healthy relationships.
The Good Life
Less talk, more doing. Take some time right now to follow the aforementioned exercise. Prioritize your happiness at work, and in your relationships. It is never too late or too early to make sure that you are living a fulfilling, satisfying, and inspiring life.
365 Days Of Self-Compassion. Day 187. In The Books.