Self-Compassion communication is a way of being in conversation that allows you to be with and understand your experience, and the experience of others as they arise. Will self-compassion help you become a better conversationalist? Undoubtedly! Will it make you the next Oprah, or Tony Robbins? Maybe, if you dedicate your life to it. So, this self-compassion communication stuff sounds great, but what are the secrets?
Self-Compassion Communication Secrets
There are three important secrets to self-compassion communication:
Secret 1: Listen to yourself and make room for your feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. Then, make room for your conversational partner to be comfortable with their feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations by giving them the space to be themselves. Listen, observe, and contribute without judgment or criticism. The kinder you are to yourself, the kinder you will be able to be to others. Try small changes, such as sitting in a way that makes you feel comfortable or not apologizing, when you cannot find the right word or go on a short rant. Then, find something small about your partner to accept.
Secret 2: Acknowledge that you come by your experience naturally, and allow the importance of your thoughts and feelings to manifest at their own pace. Do not seek to summarize them, and tuck them away. Instead, allow them to exist as pathways to a greater understanding of yourself, taking each new thought/feeling as an opportunity to grow. Greet your conversational partner’s contributions with the same keen sense of awareness, and growing sense of interest in the evolution of their thoughts and their self-understanding. In other words, neither rush to conclusions for your own thoughts or the thoughts of others.
Secret 3: Simply allow the conversation to unfold how it will. Intentions are a lot more important than what is actually said. If you have good intentions, you and your partner will leave the conversation satisfied no matter the mistakes. Likewise, conversation is not about winning. It is about understanding. If you catch yourself trying to control the conversation by simplifying your partner’s ideas, simply notice it to yourself or out loud and let it go. A simple, “There I go again. Getting wrapped up in trying to figure out what things mean. Just one of those weird quirks. Tell me more about (whatever is being discussed). I’m really interested,” will do.
Let Go Time
Now, that you have the secrets you should be well on your way to conversational success! So, go find a good conversation, and let go of the unimportant stuff like, who is winning, if your partner is sharing very clear ideas, or whether you both agree on things. Life is about learning and evolving, and our conversations reflect this. The greatest growth often comes from our mistakes, so give yourself and your conversational partner permission to make many mistakes, as long as the mistakes are based on good intentions.
365 Days Of Self-Compassion. Day 168. In The Books.