Narcissism Vs. Self-Compassion
One of the most self-compassionate things you can do for yourself is to a get an objective sense of your relative importance to any given story. People spend far too much time thinking about what others think about them, and how every event that takes place will affect their personal story. Placing ourselves at the forefront of every story is not self-compassionate. It’s narcissistic! The narcissist believes they must be the center of attention to be happy, but ironically tend to be very unhappy. The self-compassionate person seeks happiness, and in this quest takes as much responsibility as is necessary to support their own journey and the journey of others.
Of course, self-compassion is about your journey, but if you focus too much on yourself, you are going to be miserable! Think about it. Every time you are the most important person you have a ton of responsibilities. After a while of being the most important person, you are going to resent others for all the work you have to do. This is going to push others away, and you are going to become lonely. What kind of life is that? Not a very self-compassionate one.
Here, you are going to have to undo some social programming with your self-compassion practice. The Internet and your friends will validate you for being the center of attention because they are unaware of the costs. If you are not savvy, you will gladly take on this attention, and later regret it. But, now you have a secret weapon: self-compassion. Given the tools presented with self-compassion, you are aware that being the center of attention all of the time stinks, and is simply a ruse to get you to do more work to entertain others. You are nobody’s donkey show! You’re a real person!
Easy Self-Compassion Steps To Move From Narcissism To Self-Compassion
So, acknowledge the voices, either external or internal, that try to convince you to make a particular story about you. Look at the story for yourself, and with the keen awareness of a curious child, notice everybody’s role in the story. Now, decide what role you could take that would provide you with the most self-acceptance, kindness, meaningfulness, and ease. Inhabit that role, and promise yourself you will do less. Focus instead on the work and connection that brings you the aforementioned positive qualities, and watch as your well-being increases. Pat yourself on the back for your good work. Remember, we always move toward that which gives us reward.
365 Days Of Self-Compassion. Day 208. In The Books.