Self-Compassionate Life Goals
We need self-compassionate life goals. They are literally the part of us that wishes for a good life. So, why does everybody ask us what will we do when we grow up, how much money we will make, where we plan to live, and what celebrity we would like to build an imaginary life with? None of these things have anything to do with living a good life. Just ask all of the unhappy, successful, famous people. They probably, above all people, wish you would end these lists, and stop trying to marry them. Not that there is anything wrong with being a celebrity. They certainly bring many of us great joy in their performances, and hopefully find it in their own lives. But, asking yourselves and others what celebrity they are most like or would most likely marry probably does not help your sense of self-acceptance or theirs.
From Romance To Disappointment
Yet, we persist with this methodology, even after we don’t get our preferred celebrity of picking out characteristics over whole people. We try to find someone, who seems smart, funny, attractive, and likable, and then we marry them. We are list people, even the people, who say they don’t have lists just can’t wait to tell you why they married someone.
I think it is great, when this list procedure results in a partnership, but I think it is asking a lot. When I tell people that, they invariably tell me that my way is not very romantic. By romantic, they mean that you follow the plot of a movie, ask few questions, and plan to look deeply, and lovingly into the same eyes for the rest of your life. So, we plunge into these dreamy vessels, and feel quite perturbed years later, when this ungrateful majesty of eyes does not seem to understand us or know us very well.
What The Heck? This Was Just A Dream?
The rule of thumb is that if you say that something or someone is like a dream for long enough that eventually you will wake up, and be like “What the heck? This was just a dream?” Self-Compassion, on the other hand, asks you to look into your heart, when times are hard, and ask yourself what you need in life to feel good enough just as you are. That is what you want in someone, and that is what you should want in yourself for them.
Because, over time, many things will change (often the things you wish would not), but those qualities will not, so the investment is unlikely to change either. There is something unique about how you greet the world, which you have been doing your whole life, and if you find someone that loves and wants to support that, and vice versa, then you have a pretty good chance of building a happy life with them. Shoot, if you know those things, you will have a pretty good chance of building a happy life all by yourself.
Don’t Settle For A Movie Star
Don’t sell yourself short, and look for your neighborhood movie star. Instead, choose to understand what makes you feel like you are enough just as you are, and move towards those things in your relationships, your work, and your friendships. When people ask you about your list, just answer honestly and respectfully, “Let me think about it. I will get back to you later.” It is not lying. There is always later. Wishing you many moons of self-acceptance, love, and the will to build a meaningful life that prioritizes those two qualities above everything else.
365 Days Of Self-Compassion. Day 211. In The Books.