Self-Compassion Over Glory
From the perspective of self-compassion, all pain is relative to the experience of the person, who feels it. It is not so much the nature of the pain that defines the experience, but the opportunity it gives people to be emboldened by softening their hearts to their struggles, and the struggles of the world.
This is not to discount or reduce the pain caused by great atrocities, but unlike many interventions, self-compassion does not glorify them either. A secret of sufferers is that they want to suffer less. Part of suffering less is more compassion from themselves and others, but people, who glorify suffering, often want to bring more attention to the kind of suffering that they are attending to, which does little for the suffering being experienced by the sufferers.
People do not want apologies from strangers or even people they know for what they have been through. What they really want is for people to support them in their journey, to share their own suffering, and to allow them to feel however they need to feel without judgment or comment. Making people feel more exceptional and alone in their struggle will not help them feel more connected and supported.
Just 4 Things To Find The Strength To Carry On, When Harm Befalls You.
So, when great harm befalls you, how do you find the strength to carry on? You need four things.
First, to explore the nature of the suffering, and align yourself with others, so it is knowable, and connects you to others instead of distancing you.
Second, you need to be able to bring compassion and understanding to your experience, so that you can process and let go of the suffering. The longer you hold on to it, the heavier the burden will be.
Third, you need to invite kindness into your life from yourself and others. Without a wish for well-being, your path in life cannot become clear, as it will always be muddled by the feelings, thoughts, and actions you believe you are owed (both good and bad).
Fourth, you need to take the information you have gathered from these three steps, and look at what has made your heart stronger, and your mind better capable of seeing the world as it is. These details will help you decide what you need to live a full, inspiring, and meaningful life of ease.
If you have lived longer than a day, you realize it is impossible and probably foolish to believe that you can build a mindset, a technique, or a product to avoid suffering, but if you can develop your heart then you can live through it, and learn from it. Wishing you many days of well-being, and the courage and tenacity to soften your heart in the face of suffering, as I wish the same for myself.
365 Days Of Self-Compassion. Day 221. In The Books.