We need self-compassion for the hustler. The hustler is a smooth talking, peer pressure machine that starts with really easy questions and small asks, and works his way up to big questions and big asks. His trick is that he always makes it seem like his pitch is in the service of your well-being. He does not do well with rejection, and will leverage your potential embarrassment, shame, his disappointment, and most nefariously your wish to please and be good to the people you care about against you.. If he succeeds with little effort, we just resent him silently, and regret our own weak will. If we are able to put him off, then we are likely to complain about this matter to others. Somehow, neither response helps us feel better in a lasting way. The former leads to self-criticism, and the latter leads to concerns about burdening others with our woes.
Three Important Tools To Nullify The Actions Of A Hustler
All that you need to know about the hustler is that he needs you to fear what he or others could say about you failing to comply with his wishes. Moreover, he needs you to want to avoid that fear so much that doing what he asks makes you feel better, and thus conditions you to want to do it again. There are three very important tools that will nullify the hustler: knowing what makes up a hustler, core values, and self-compassion.
In terms of knowing what makes up a hustler, you only need to know two things: he wants to avoid his life by focusing on yours, and he constantly feels disempowered, and needs others to do things for him to lessen this feeling. Core Values are the qualities of life that matter the most to you, and that will help you live a meaningful life. Self-Compassion is simply the ability to be present to your experience, to soften into it, to understand it, accept it, and bring kindness to it.
Applying These Tools
So, how can these tools help you nullify the actions of a hustler? First, you are only disempowering him more by acting in a way that helps him avoid his life or find power in yours. Resist the urge to say yes. Second, your core values will determine what you need from the world, so the hustler will not be able to embarrass, or peer pressure you into things that you do not need. Finally, self-compassion is really important. Hustling is just another form of manipulation, and no one likes to be manipulated. It makes us feel that other people do not respect us, that they see a vulnerability that they can capitalize on, but most importantly that they do not value our well-being.
The only way to break the chain of responding to these instances with self-criticism, shame, and anger is to acknowledge the thought, feeling, or bodily sensation. Name it. Then, notice how you come by these feelings naturally. Soften around the tense areas of your body, and do something really kind for yourself. These three actions will empower you, and the hope and healing they generate will only make you want to come back to these tools again.
You Can’t Hustle A Hustler
The most important thing to know is that you do not have to beat the hustler. Only he makes it seem like you have a competitive relationship. Anyone that tries to persuade you to do something harmful or that you simply do not want to do is irrelevant to your quest to live a meaningful, inspired life of well-being. The only relevance these people have in your life is that they provide good opportunities to practice patience, self-compassion, core value directed thinking, and forgiveness. Anyways, in time, you will be able to access the hustler mindset, and everybody knows that you can’t hustle a hustler.
365 Days Of Self-Compassion. Day 231. In The Books.