The Firing Squad Of Blame, Shame, And Names
From a self-compassion standpoint, most of what we do is to avoid the firing squad of blame, shame, and names. Somewhere, deep down inside, we fear that we are bad, broken, undeserving people, so when our fears or mistakes manifest, we seek distraction through any means necessary: watching shows where other people act out worse than we do; talking about the terrible crimes being committed by morally corrupt leaders or extremists; or perhaps more covertly complaining about something in your immediate environment that just is not right (e.g., traffic, construction, the cost of utilities).
Curiosity Cured The Heart
If we could just notice, and be curious about the concerns we have about our self, we might have an opportunity to soften into these worries with understanding, to open our hearts, and to be educated rather than defined by them. It would probably also be easier on all these people and things that we vehemently attack to avoid these thoughts.
The Self-Compassion Love Letter: Freedom From Blame, Shame, And Names.
Because it is so hard to respond this way in the moment, I have created a tool that you can use at the beginning or end of the day that will guide the way you respond thereafter: your very own love letter. It reads:
It is hard to live in this world, and want so much, while being afraid that the decisions we make will eventually undo the good we desire. It is hard to worry about such things, and feel like every mistake that we make is confirmation of our inadequacy. And, even though it is hard to acknowledge the mistakes and failures we have made, I want to take a minute now to do so anyway. Despite these failures, I still love you. I still accept you. I still want to follow our plan of being good to our self, so that we can be good to others.
Making mistakes hurts, but these mistakes also soften our hearts to the mistakes and suffering of others, which makes it easier to accept them and our self. In this way, we are grateful for these mistakes, though we do not wish them upon our self. May you have the courage to accept and look at these failures, when they occur, so that the mark they leave lasts but a moment, and our meaningful wishes for life last forever. I promise to try to read you every day in the hopes that I will be able to grow from my experience, and become the person I was meant to be for me and others through self-compassion, and acceptance.
Perhaps, you will get to this every day, and perhaps not. I suppose that will depend on how useful it is for you, and how meaningful a life you would like to live. In all things, I wish you freedom from suffering, the ability to learn and grow from your pain, and mostly the deep, deep well of compassion, forgiveness, and kindness that will truly enrich your life and the lives of others.
365 Days Of Self-Compassion. Day 223. In The Books.