Your Biggest Problem
Finding self-compassion for your biggest problem will not be easy, but boy is it necessary. For most people, their biggest problem is figuring out who they are and what they want. Most secondary problems are merely ways of avoiding these two questions. For example, they choose a job or an educational path that they later find unfulfilling. They complain about aspects of each that are out of their control, such as bosses or work that they neither find stimulating or meaningful.
You Need To Know Who You Are And What You Want To Be Free
There is no clear solution to their problem because in the absence of knowing what they want they will be a prisoner to the demands of others. Romantic relationships provide a similar conundrum in so far as it is impossible to know what to ask for or whether someone is a good fit if you do not know who you are or what you want. People defer to the demands of others because sometimes it is easier to follow than to lead, but eventually they become unhappy, when their not fully understood needs go unmet.
The truth is that it is scary to look at yourself, scars and all, and take an inventory of where you have been, what you have experienced, what has inspired you, and what one or two things you could do with your life that would give it the most meaning and make the best use of your unique skillset. This path is normally one that requires sacrifice and failure, and people are only too aware of these risks, and seek umbrage under the cover of someone else’s business or a romantic partner’s needs. There are two things that will give them the courage necessary to walk this vital path. First, you will need self-compassion for the challenges that it proposes because you must have a self that is well cared for to try something out of your comfort zone. Second, you need to pick something that you are so passionate about that it feels like a greater risk to not do it than to do it.
Easy Self-Compassion Steps For Managing Your Biggest Problem
Now that you know what you need, let’s use self-compassion to help you get it. Take five minutes out of your day to sit somewhere quiet, and get some notecards and a pen. Imagine that you have been transported to an island, where you desire people to both understand you and give you a job that you enjoy. You can only tell them about one quality that will help them to figure out how to be kind to you, and only one characteristic of a potential job that they can use to find you one that you will find fulfilling. Write these down. Imagine being on the island, and feeling completely fulfilled, at ease, and inspired.
Now, go back to the two things you have written down. The first is your most important value. The second is your most important desire. Think of a job or an area of study that combines the two, and note them both as essential qualities that must be supported if not shared in a potential partner. You will probably feel a mixture of excitement and anxiety. Notice these feelings. Name them. Accept that they are a natural part of this process, and notice how they slowly pass away as you shift your attention back to your breath. Then, do something really kind for yourself. With this newfound well-being, make a plan to do one thing a day to use this blueprint to pursue the job/studies and relationships that will be good fits for you. Nothing is promised to those who venture nothing. Much is promised to those, who take risks with a kind heart and an open mind.
365 Days Of Self-Compassion. Day 244. In The Books.