Managing Fake friends is one of those self-compassion topics that people ask me to address often. Initially, I was a little hesitant because dwelling on unhealthy relationships is probably its own issue. However, I do understand that people, who work in certain fields, and people who are isolated for long hours with their work are vulnerable to people, who pretend to be their friends. So, what are fake friends? Fake friends are any group of people, who use the term friend to describe you, but do not join you in your struggles or celebrations, and do not include you in theirs.
How To Spot A Fake Friend
How can you spot a fake friend? A fake friend says they will call you, but they never do. A fake friend says they will make plans with you, but they never do. A fake friend fails to notice your ups and downs, but might comment after hearing others do so. A fake friend tends to use the word friend to describe you, when they need something or when they are feeling lonely. A fake friend knows way less about you than you do about them. Sound like anybody you know?
When Fake Friends Cannot Be Avoided
As mentioned before, fake friends can simply be avoided if you have an abundance of friends and time to make new friends. However, if your efforts are limited by time consuming work or the nature of your work, where fake people are abundant or there are few if any people available to befriend, then fake friends becomes a serious problem. If you have a million dollars, and I take a few, you might not even notice, but if you only have five dollars, and I take four or five, it is going to hurt. In the case of friends, being friendless means feeling lonely, and perhaps unloved.
Self-Compassion Steps For Managing Fake Friends
So, how can we remedy this fake friend issue? First, notice how you feel and name the problem. Second, notice where there is tension in your body, and soften around these parts. Third, notice how you have come by this issue naturally, so you can give yourself permission to let it go. You are a well-meaning person, who is kind enough to share your time with others. Everyone needs friends. When these so-called friends abandon us, it hurts. And, because it hurts, we are deserving of kindness and compassion. Then, do something really kind for yourself, and find someone (even if they live really far away) to connect or perhaps reconnect with.
Plan some time into your schedule to meet new people without the obligation of making new friends, but with the wish to do so, and the effort to simply make yourself available. Do not settle for fake friends. Such an act only convinces you that you are not worthy of genuine love and affection. Nothing could be farther from the truth, and it works to your advantage to keep this nonsense far from your heart.
365 Days Of Self-Compassion. Day 256. In The Books.