Resilience

Loving Who You Are, And The Apologies That Stand In Your Way.

Self-Compassion Blog.  Loving Who You Are, And The Apologies That Stand In Your Way.

The Apologies

We spend most of our days apologizing for where we are in life.  I should have a promotion soon.  I should get a raise, a bigger house, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, more degrees, a golden, diamond emblazoned unicorn that somersaults over rainbows.  While we are, in earnest, trying to accommodate our audience, rise to the standard of our peers, and inspire ourselves, we are also establishing over and over that our life, as it is, is simply not good enough.  This makes us feel sad, anxious, and depressed. 

While we draw on this motivation to do more, the more we do, the less we seem to feel good about ourselves.  Our thoughts pour down on us, dampening our resolve to be happy with our lives.  One of the toughest parts of accomplishing something is the awareness that there are other things to accomplish, and that others expect you to accomplish even more.  One of my best friends used to extend my role in our conversations by adding “What else?” after I had just finished describing my current goals and efforts.  It only took two words to crush my satisfaction.

A Recent Experience With The Apologies

Recently, I spent time with one of my brothers, who started our conversation by reassuring me that he was working hard to take care of himself and his family, as if there was an invisible hot lamp shining down on him.  For a moment, I felt like an interrogator: a disturbing mixture of antagonism and judgment, despite actually being overcome with gratitude that he remained so vibrant and that our relationship remained strong.

I say this without judgment.  I am guilty of the same things.  Don’t worry I am still working on the book.  I am not wealthy enough yet to take us on a vacation, but someday.  So, rather than offer any advice, I listened with great interest, basking in his hard fought wisdom, qualities all his own, while silently repeating this phrase to myself: May this experience of sitting with my brother be enough (for both of us).

The Phrase That Pays (Us With Contentedness)

This phrase is my secret to loving who I am despite the pressure of social interactions and social media to pretend that it would be so much better if I had more or could go back to a time with fewer responsibilities.  It is why I do not attend reunions.  I do not want to pretend life would be better if I could return to my past.

I love being older.  My life is filled with more wisdom, well-being, and inspiring relationships than I ever had as a child.  I am not judging those who love reunions.  Some who attend are amongst my favorite people on earth.  My simple truth is that to love my life I must love where I am right now.  It is my hope that armed with the simple phrase, May my experience be enough, that your heart will be open to the awareness that you are more than enough to yourself and those who love you.

365 Days Of Self-Compassion.  Day 262.  In The Books.

Self-Compassion For Those Without Mothers On Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day

There are days of the year, where (like many people) I feel the loss of someone or something in my life.  I long for gratitude on those days, and wait for the difficult moments to pass to be grateful that I have endured them.  It is not always the most mindful thing to do, but it is self-compassionate. 

Mother’s day is not one of those days for me.  I have been blessed with four women, who each parented me like I was their own child, my two grandmothers, my mother, and my Aunt Susan. While my Grandma Jean has been gone for about 16 years, I feel her with me every day.  I ask her for council, when I am stuck with difficult decisions, and always pray for her strength.  She was an absolute force, while she with us.

Normalizing The Challenges of Living Without Or In Conflict With A Mother

It is because I realize how fortunate I am that I feel deeply for people, who have lost their mothers, never knew their mothers, or who have an embattled relationship with their mothers.  It is so hard to feel that the place from which you originated can no longer or has rarely/never welcomed you home.  I feel for people, who do not understand this misfortune.  The only thing worse than not having a warm, welcoming mother is criticizing or belittling the troubles of someone who does not.  So, this self-compassion entry is dedicated to you.  I hope it brings you some well-deserved balm for your hearts, and a greater sense of ease.

Your concerns are normal.  We all want to feel loved and accepted, and people who do not bare the stamp of blood family can be fickle in their support and availability.  So, those that have lost their mothers to illness, complicated life circumstances, or mental health issues feel a sense of vulnerability.  And, this vulnerability is very real, but it does not make you fragile.  It makes you wise.  It is the part of you that has decided before anything that you are deserving of unconditional love, and that your life is worth dedicating to this important venture.  Some people are fortunate to have a living place to locate this love, and a person to praise for this teaching once a year.  That said, you are no less whole, no less deserving, and no less lovable, if you do not.

Mother’s Day Self-Compassion Practice

So, how can we help you get what you need on this difficult day, and every day after?  By simply practicing self-compassion.  Notice your feelings.  If there is a sense of emptiness or sadness, acknowledge it, and grieve it.  You deserve unconditional love and acceptance, and a mother is a hard person to live without.  Resist getting seduced by the stories that emerge, when you focus on this loss.  Instead, notice how your body feels, and soften around the parts of your body that are tense.  Breathe in the feelings of loss, and exhale the wish to be free from the pain of loss.  Notice your own capacity to give yourself unconditional love, if called upon, and think of a way in this very moment that you can be really kind to yourself. 

Remember that the similarities of your hopes, your dreams, your pain, and your pleasure connect you to all beings.  We all wish for unconditional love for ourselves and others.  Wish this for yourself and others, and give yourself permission to accept the reverberations of these wishes for you.  May you always be open to receiving unconditional love from yourself, and from the wishes of all other living beings.  May you be free from suffering.  May you live with ease.  May you be kind to yourself, and feel empowered by your practice.

365 Days Of Self-Compassion.  Day 234.  In The Books.     

Self-Compassion For When We Are Victimized

Victimized

Recently, I was given a self-compassion request for feeling victimized by someone else or more pointedly, how to let go of the self-critical feelings following a victimization.  Let’s start with the word, “victim.”  Most people, who hear this word have an involuntary cringing response.  Who amongst us has not been a victim of theft, car vandalism, a car accident, unkind words, or bad behavior at work?  What might surprise you is that it is not being victimized, but being completely unable to tolerate being a victim that prevents us from being able to let go of these experiences.

Invulnerable

We prefer to thing of ourselves as unassailable or invulnerable.  Others may try to harm us, but we just laugh these efforts off because we are so tough.  We avoid victimhood because victims are weak and pathetic.  Of course, we are a victim of all of this propaganda, and because we are unable to be at home with the fact that we are vulnerable to being harmed, and responsive to such harm in human ways, we extend the harm.  We avoid it.  We deny it.  We puff out our chests, and dare it to return.  But, some part deep inside of us has been hurt, and does not need to be told to shake it off.  It needs to be told that its feelings are valid, and can be processed as such.

The Card House Delusion

You see, most of us suffer from card house delusion.  Somewhere, we have decided that our resolve has the strength of a fragile card house, so we seek to protect it with our words, with our thoughts, and with our behaviors.  We not only deny our suffering to the public.  We deny it to ourselves.  Unfortunately, pain neither cares about your moral stand or your convictions about yourself, it just hurts, and hurt can only be healed with balm.  In this case, that balm is self-compassion.

Redefining Toughness

We need to redefine toughness.  Toughness must be the ability to be present to, process, and bring kindness to difficult experience because this serum actually leads to a meaningful, heart-directed life.  When we define toughness as invulnerability (which is not actually a real thing), we are compelling our bodies to deny painful experiences.  While the mind may find this rewarding, the body does not.  It still feels pain.  It cannot be assuaged by the lies in which the mind finds comfort.  There is also wisdom in facing pain.  It makes us less afraid of it, and we are more likely to process it with greater ease in the future, and see it less in our lives.

The Lesson Of Mastery

We all, in some sense or another, are dedicated to a sort of mastery and sense of empowerment.  It is why we love superhero movies or films about underdogs.  They all start out very human, but then find ways to overcome and master difficult areas of their lives.  When we deny certain areas of our lives, they become un-mastered, and in some way we are drawn back to them in search of this mastery.  So, instead of rarely facing victimization by pretending it is not happening, we begin to face it much more often because avoiding it only leads us to search it out later with the hopes of finding mastery.

Easy Self-Compassion Steps To Notice And Let Go Of Victimization When It Arises

So, we need a way to honor our experience.  Instead of avoiding this victimization or representing it as something that reflects strength, acknowledge the experience.  Name it.  This is victimization.  Notice how you have come by this experience naturally.  I have not chosen this experience, but it happened anyway.  If I were able to deal with it differently, then I would have.  Give yourself permission to be hurt or disappointed by this experiencing.  Being victimized is painful.  Then give yourself kindness.  Because I have been victimized, I am deserving of kindness and compassion

 

At this point, you will have the epiphany that you have, indeed, survived this experience, and are capable of managing it, and moving on with your life.  A moment of victimization does not make you a victim for life.  It makes you human.  And, processing it with kindness reminds all parts of you that they are deserving of love, appreciation, and kindness no matter what is done to them.  This sense of compassion allows us to let go of this victimization faster, and return to the things that we find meaningful, and bring us well-being.  That is true empowerment. 

365 Days Of Self-Compassion.  Day 209.  In The Books.

Using Self-Compassion To Overcome The Scrutiny Of Others To Do What You Love.

Scrutiny

One surprising use of Self-Compassion is the ability to live the life we desire, while under the scrutiny of others.  Be honest.  There is a job, a hobby, maybe just a garment of clothing that you are dying to try, but you don’t because you are afraid of what people will think.  It makes you sad that you are not living your life as fully as you would like, but you are reassured by the safety you feel in not making yourself vulnerable to judgment.

Self-Conscious

Personally, I love to box, but I am self-conscious about my technique, at times, since I have high expectations, and am so passionate about it.  Some days, it is hard to work the mitts with someone else, or work the heavy bag because I know more seasoned boxers than myself are watching.  Years ago, I might have found one part of it that I was good at it, and stuck to that, safely hidden from scrutiny, but some part of me would be sad.  The longing to practice what I loved freely, passionately, and without reservation would sit like a rock in my heart.

Using Self-Compassion To Do What You Love

Fortunately, I have been practicing meditation and self-compassion for so long that I am aware of what is at stake.  I have repeated the self-compassion phrases may you be safe, may you be free, may you be kind to yourself, may you accept yourself just as you are so many times that I believe them.  I know I am the happiest, when I keep them in mind, and the unhappiest when I hide to avoid the judgment of others. 

With this knowledge, I am also very careful to pick very important people that I trust to support this work.  I am human just like you.  Some weeks I want to hide, but I don’t.  Instead, I lean on my supports and my self-compassion practice, and simply do it anyway.  It is not always pretty, but that is the thing, it does not need to be. Allowing my supports to show up for me gives me greater faith in the world, and it allows those supports to give themselves permission to receive help from me when they need it.  If you can see it, on my path there has been a subtle transformation from the need to hide yielding only disappointment and sadness to a need to hide that yields faith in others and myself.

Have Faith

Trust your own journey, and when there is something that you desire deeply to do, put one foot in front of the other.  Recite the self-compassion phrases to yourself.  Incline gently into your birthright to be happy, and free.  Use this as an opportunity to find supports on your journey.  Be very picky about whom you choose, and promise yourself that you will help them in return if given a chance.  Slowly but surely you will begin to have more faith in yourself, others, and the world.

365 Days Of Self-Compassion.  Day 205.  In The Books.

Overcoming Your Unrealistic Standards To Practice Self-Compassion

No Fluff In Self-Compassion

One of the many benefits of self-compassion practice is that there is literally no fluff.  You have a practice.  You participate in the practice.  You have very measurable results (level of stress as explained by heart rate, rate of breathing, and somatic features).  There is no magic to it.  And, it does not hide behind a mirage of complicated psychological jargon.  That said, saying you practice self-compassion without understanding how it works or its techniques will have a strong effect on your results.  I try to see my side of things or I let things go when I can is not exactly self-compassion.  So, you have to really want a better life to use the simple, but effective process of self-compassion.  Continuing this practice is a different story.

Don’t Be Beat By Unrealistic Standards

The number one reason people have trouble practicing self-compassion with consistency is that they set their standards too high.  They either hear about the benefits experienced by someone else, or have one day of tremendous results, and then expect to have these same results every day.  But, self-compassion practice, like anything else you work on, will not yield the same results every day.  Your effort, the day’s burden, how long you have been practicing, and several other factors affect your daily outcome.

But, self-compassion practice does not require fireworks with respect to well-being gains every day because it is a cumulative process.  Albeit not always being apparent, your practice of self-compassion today has a strong effect on your overall well-being, and your capacity to practice self-compassion tomorrow.  As stated in another entry, it is much harder to stop something you do consistently than to start a practice back up after several days off.  It is simply a matter of basic inertia.

Overcoming Unrealistic Standards To Practice Self-Compassion

So, you need to have self-compassion for your self-compassion practice, and have some faith that you are doing enough simply by practicing.  You would be amazed at the change in results once you stop focusing on the outcome anyway.  It is always easier to feel better if you do what you can to recover, and let the actual recovery process take its time than it is to try to compel yourself to better health.  It has something to do with the strain you put on yourself, and how that interferes with the energy and focus required for curative measures.

So, make a deal with yourself to practice self-compassion because you want a good life, and believe in taking caring of yourself.  This value, in itself, will empower you to make better decisions in your life.  In a related affair, there have been many reports that it is much easier to eat healthier, when you are going to the gym consistently than when you are not.  Of course, you probably have motivation to look good in your snazzy gym clothes, but there is also the implicit wish to be healthier that is being reinforced by the explicit effort to go to the gym.  Wishing you many days of self-compassion, and the wisdom to not let the high standards that you come by naturally get in the way of an inspiring, daily practice.

365 Days Of Self-Compassion.  Day 196.  In The Books.

Hold On For One More Day: 4 Quick Steps To Success Through Adversity

Hardship Is Part Of The Journey

Part of Self-Compassion involves the knowledge that hardship is part of any journey to an inspirational life, and is often the catalyst for the great idea (s) that help you achieve long-term success.  Think about it this way.  Most of the ideas that you have are common.  It is hard to build a life on something that you share with everyone else (unless it is self-compassion, of course!), so it would stand to reason that a unique idea is most likely found outside your comfort zone.  Do you know what it is outside your comfort zone?  You guessed it, discomfort!

It sure would be nice if someone would just show up to let us know how valuable our discomfort will be, or what wisdom we can gain from this discomfort, but they don’t.  You might find some assurance in the history of successful people, and how their great success was almost always the product of hardship, failure, and the brink of financial and mental bankruptcy.  However, we are pretty self-involved creatures, so it is a lot easier for us to trust wisdom that is self-manifested.

Hardship Is The Birthplace For Unique, Valuable Ideas

So, yes, adversity is important for success, and is, in fact, the birthplace of the unique ideas and practices that will separate you from the herd.  Most people tend to run from adversity, which is why most people do not experience great success.  Still, we want you to have every chance to succeed, so let’s look at a self-compassion practice that will help you tolerate adversity, so that it can be the birthplace of great financial, mental, and emotional, perhaps even spiritual (if you desire) gains.

4 Quick Steps Towards Finding Success Through Adversity

Step One, acknowledge the feeling, thought, or bodily sensation, name it, and locate it in the body.  Step Two, soften around the tense parts of the body, while reminding yourself that you come by this necessary stress naturally.  Step Three, write down three things that would make this adversity worthwhile.  Step Four, make an action plan that helps you pursue one of these things a week for the next month.  Make it something you can do every day.  In a month’s time, come back to this practice, and measure your gains.

Hold On For One More Day

“Hold on for one more day” were important lyrics in a song that played often during my childhood.  The wisdom of these words reminds you to live in the moment, and get through the day, if that is the best you can do.  Consistency, not perfection, has been the criteria for a great life for a long, long time, and I do not see that recipe losing its potency or validity any time soon.  Practice self-compassion.  Be good to yourself.  Hold on for one more day.  A life worth living awaits you.

365 Days Of Self-Compassion.  Day 195.  In The Books.

Am I The One? 4 Easy Self-Compassion Steps To Discover Your Destiny

Where Science Meets Mysticism

Self-Compassion is a funny thing because it answers mystical questions with a scientific process.  That makes it both logical and ironic, perhaps, two of our most prized possessions.  We enjoy puzzles and the deductive reasoning we need to solve them.  Yet, when faced with an inspiring story, real or imagined, we often ask, “Am I The One?”  In other words, will my story be similar to the one I have just witnessed?  Of course, we might apply a scientific process to this, but we don’t.  Instead, we incline forward, and wait for a sign.

One of my favorite parts of self-compassion practice is that it enables us to discover our purpose by allowing us the opportunity to understand what we need to be happy and healthy first.   By purpose, I mean a continually inspiring, and revitalizing process that enables us to leave the world better than we found it.

4 Easy Self-Compassion Steps To Discover Your Destiny

I think that is enough of an intro.  Let’s look at how you can use self-compassion to decide if you are the one, unless you would prefer to remain naïve, in which case you should stop reading. 

So, step one, imagine that you are stranded on a desert island with all of the family and the people you love most.  Money and power no longer exist, and you have found the perfect mate.  If you could only have one job what would it be?  Second, what would this job require of you?  Third, what would you need to ensure you were healthy enough to do this job over a lifetime?  Fourth, name one daily practice that you could do to take care of yourself. 

Now, imagine this life.  If you find that you are distracted by money, power, or material desires, then this job is not for you.  These thoughts might be a natural consequence of life, but when you imagine your true destiny, it should be so pervasive that these things are far from your immediate experience.  Once you arrive at a completely engaging purpose, you will have the blueprint for your destiny.

Fulfillment

Since, you have figured out your destiny, you should probably take some time to celebrate, and do something that just feels good to you.  Think about how you might be kind to yourself right now, and remember later that you accomplished your dreams by treating yourself with warmth, respect, and compassion.  If these things remain in place throughout your life, it will likely always be fulfilling.

365 Days Of Self-Compassion.  Day 193.  In The Books.

You Are Only As Strong As Your Last Effort Of Self-Acceptance

Tested Experience Vs. Predictions

Self-Compassion is important because it teaches us to discover how things are, how we experience them, and what real meaning they have for our lives.  It is in this sense very scientific, personal, and at least for our purposes in the present, it is accurate.  Predictions based on socially accepted information and the opinions of experts tend to be pretty inaccurate.  I know this to be true because I have spent years seeing people, who come in for treatment, and feel like they have just been exposed to lightning for the very first time, when they learn that strength is not derived from a continuous sampling of difficult experiences. 

Do Difficult Experiences Make You Stronger?

“Difficult experience does not make you tougher?” they query.  “But, iron sharpens iron!” Difficult experience only makes you stronger, when it leads to self-understanding, self-acceptance, and self-compassion.  Otherwise, it just takes minutes, hours, and perhaps years off of your life.  Long-term consequences of a life lived with just difficult experiences include: pessimism, shame, lack of interest in adventure, tumultuous relationships, bad break-ups, injury, limited mobility, daily pain, heart attacks, ulcers, and strokes.  I know.  The tough guys in the movies seem to do alright, but you have to factor in that they are not real.  Real people suffer mightily, when they try to live in a way that constantly brutalizes their mind and body.

We need self-compassion, self-understanding, and self-acceptance now, so that we can get through tough times because they are apart not the meaning of life.  Am I advocating avoiding difficult experience?  Absolutely not.  If you love something or someone, I hope you pursue those things with every last ounce of your heart, acknowledging that there will be both tough and easy days, which are necessary to live a fulfilling life.  But, you will only have the pain life doles out.  You will not be adding to this suffering.  That might seem like a small shift in your thinking, but it is an important one.

Getting Stronger With Self-Compassion

So, how can one pursue a life of self-acceptance, self-understanding, and self-compassion?  You can do so simply by trying at every opportunity you get.  We are built for mastery.  We love to see great works of art, successful relationships, and thorough work.  It is why these three factors draw people to the movies, to Youtube videos, and to the brilliance that is shared on social media. 

If you do your best to be self-compassionate, when difficulty arises, you will slowly build a stronger skillset for self-compassion.  You will also build on the amount of self-acceptance and understanding you have.  These two qualities will make you feel successful and happy on their own, but they will also very clearly show you what you need to be content and inspired, and how to pursue things that bring you closer to your goals, and how to avoid things that simply waste your time.

I know that it sounds simple, but simple works.  The next time you are experiencing stress, pain, anxiety, or criticism, soften into the experience. Acknowledge the pain.  Name it.  Notice where you are feeling tension, and soften around these areas.  Remind yourself that you come by this experience naturally, and point out the ways.  Then, ask yourself how you can be kind to yourself?  Finally, say aloud or to yourself: I am doing the work, and that’s all that counts.  You do not have control over how the world responds to your efforts.  You do, on the other hand, possess the power to move in the direction of understanding, acceptance, and well-being no matter the consequences of the present or future.  If you do these three things, you will be strong, you will be resilient, and will transform your life in a way that will inspire you every day.

365 Days Of Self-Compassion.  Day 191.  In The Books.

Self-Compassion For Isolation

Bad Weather Can Lead To Isolation

We all need self-compassion for isolation, especially because it is one of the sneakier problems to have.  A spout of bad weather keeps you at home, which you make the best of by watching something on television, curling up in front of a good book, and cooking something savory that you have planned to do for months.  When the weather is bleak for multiple days, we often get used to this routine, and find comfort in our self-reliance.  This is all well and good until one day we realize that we feel lonely, but by this time going out and connecting with people has become so foreign that we struggle to take first steps.  We imagine these feelings will pass, but one day soon, we find ourselves following the brush strokes of paint on our ceilings, and then it hits us.  We feel isolated.

It is important to note how common this scenario is, especially if you live in a place that is prone to harsh weather conditions at certain times of the year.  Our immediate reaction is to try to downplay these feelings, but after a while that little bit of isolation feels like a lot of depression.  While some fantasize that depression is a restful state in which you spend hours luxuriously wrapped up in silk sheets, it is actually a very active, stressful, and burdensome state, which creates social anxiety, negative self-thoughts, and pessimism about the chances of ever living a happy life.

Of course, if you realize early in the process that you are becoming socially isolated, you might feel that you have the means and opportunity to reach out to family and friends.  In many cases, we are just too busy to notice it until it’s too late.  With this in mind, let’s look at a self-compassionate means of managing this isolation, so that we can return to a state of well-being, connection, and hope.

Three Easy Steps To Treat Your Isolation Symptoms Successfully

First, notice the feeling of isolation, name it, and soften around the areas of your body that are filled with tension.  Second, acknowledge that you come by it naturally.  “There sure have been a lot of gloomy days.  No wonder I decided to stay in side.”  Third, think about how you might be kind to yourself.  “I should call Paula, and see if she will meet me for dinner, coffee, or drinks tomorrow.” 

As your discomfort with venturing out or acknowledging your isolation comes up, return to the previous two steps, including the third step, when you want to make an extra effort.  Remember, sometimes we need time away from the things we value most to establish our priorities with respect to self-compassion, and our core values.

365 Days Of Self-Compassion.  Day 190.  In The Books.

Self-Love Is The Only Way To True Love

The Origins Of True Love

It is no secret that self-compassion allows us to forgive and be kind to ourselves, but did you know that it can also give us true love?

For thousands of years, information has been passed down in stories.  We hold our breath as the characters pursue love, risk their well-being, and commit to a journey greater than anything they have come to know in their lives.  In the telling of these stories, we are most fascinated by two words: true love.

True love, you know what this is.  When someone feels completely understood, validated, secure, inspired, and desired.  The kind of love that promises to stay forever, and is staunch in its unwillingness to be shared.  These two words are so powerful that we use them to place the ultimate value on everything that we hold dear: our food, our jobs, our passions.

The Only Way To True Love

Let’s be real. You need understanding, validation, security, inspiration, and desire for true love, and the only way the world is going to know that you are worthy of it is if you give it to yourself first.  No, I am not talking about narcissism.  Narcissism is merely a stack of hollow compliments that make people obnoxious.  The world does not send them true love.  True love can only be found in those people, who love themselves so profoundly that the world waits in line for their turn to hug.

You do not have to be Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, or Gandhi to get one of these hugs.  You just have to commit to understanding your experience, realize that you come by it honestly, and then give yourself the kindness, compassion, and love that you have spent your life waiting for.  If you can cheer on some person in a story that you have never met, loved, or held, surely you can summon this wish for yourself. 

The Secret To True Love

Allow me to let you in on a secret.  You are the person for whom you secretly root.  So, start to think about your own story, and the characters in it.  Step back, and see if you would not be rooting for you had you heard your story in a movie theater or a book.  I would wager that you would.

Part of ensuring that you have healthy and happy relationships is having enough understanding of the world and others to live with well-being and ease.  So, note the following three rules about other people, where true love is concerned.  First, no one understands you as well as you do.  Second, other people will make mistakes about the way that they understand you because they are clouded by their own experience.  Third, you need to give yourself true love first, so that you can guide their responses in a way that respects this innate need.

Think I am joking?  Recall your last five conversations with someone that did not get you.  Identify the mistake they made.  Imagine how you would correct it, and notice how your body responds to this correction.  If you are like most people, then simply imagining a fantasy in which these people correct their mistakes will leave you with greater ease, and a sense of being loved.  This alone should be a clear sign of who best understands and can locate true love.

Quick Exercise To Get Your Daily Dose Of True Love

Like most things, true love is gained over time.  So, do this for yourself.  Upon awakening or prior to bed, promise yourself that no matter the cost, you will do your best to understand your mistakes, to credit your successes, and to love yourself without hesitation or conflict.  Finally, acknowledge that you tend to appreciate things that come with a degree of difficulty, and welcome the challenge of loving yourself completely every day.

Over time, you will find that you have consistent, honest, protective, and rewarding true love.  You will also find yourself unwilling to settle for less in your relationships, and people will come to respect that about you.

365 Days Of Self-Compassion.  Day 179.  In The Books.